Keeping your anger in check

I was upset last week. There was a situation at work that had me and my counterpart at odds. Because we were not in the same space, temperatures never overheated, and the misinterpretation soon passed. Quickly forgotten, we moved on to the work that pressed on our schedules. Earlier in my career, I may have become angry, remaining in that state until the teammate was ready to admit defeat. Thank goodness my grey hairs, along with the years that have earned them, help me appreciate that people come to their role truly to do their best work. They are simply looking for a welcoming place to grow; a community of fair-minded people who share many of the same goals. 

Anger, however, is a slice of the tapestry we humans own as part of our standard operating equipment. There are times we keep it quiet, hidden away from the small, minor scraps of the day-to-day. There are other times when it crawls out to cause ill will, hurt feelings, and maybe even chaos. It is important, therefore, to be mindful of the larger picture, the key objectives within the organization you lead. Never allowing an unkind word or two to bubble over to create mayhem and bad feelings beyond the moment. 

While it would be silly of me to ask never to be angry again, there are things you can do to help yourself and the organization better manage the inevitable tensions that rise to the surface, despite all best efforts to the contrary. In this In My Opinion post, I offer three thoughts on how to keep your temperature from rising, providing clarity and vision for clashes that sometimes end up on your doorstep. Here are my three thoughts: 

Do not hit send. There are times you may receive a volatile email or complaint. Reading the note, emotions rise, causing you to grab the keyboard to show this person who’s the boss. Do not respond. Wait 24 hours! Allow time to provide some peace, separation, and clarity. After President Abraham Lincoln died, his assistant cleaned out his personal effects from his office. In Lincoln’s desk, the assistant found several letters, angry letters, written by the president to generals of the Northern army. Never sent, these letters caused no damage, no harm, or ill will. While he allowed his anger to pass onto those pages, he never put postage on his immediate emotions in order to create additional disorder and harm on the battlefield. A wise man. A true leader. 

Take a walk. When you hang up from a difficult phone call or finish reading a problematic text or note, resist the temptation of a quick, emotional response. Instead, get away from your space and take a walk. Allow the steps and time lapse to calm both you and the situation. Leave the poor feelings outside and reset the situation to a cooler temperature before returning to your desk. 

Wait three seconds. How many times during your day do you end up in a difficult one-on-one with a subordinate? When in the moment, all you want to do is respond in kind, or worse, raise the roof. Instead of escalation, stop, do not speak, wait three seconds, take a long breath, and start back in slowly. No matter the situation, as the leader, you must play the part, the giant who knows all, sees all, and manages like a true champion. It becomes a learning moment for your staff member. Nothing else is acceptable for top leaders.  

It happens. People get upset. It is the role of the leader, however, to refrain from becoming part of those never constructive verbal sparring matches we have all experienced. Simply put, people look to you as the peacemaker. That person who will fix the hole, weld the break, and calm the waters. 

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Jack Dillon writes the In My Opinion post. Jack is a merchant, consultant, and speaker. Today, he works at The Happiest Place on Turf as the merchandise buyer for their 4 golf courses. Jack can also help you and your team. When it comes to organizational issues, service standards, retail, or people issues, Jack has both the experience and track record to support you and your team. See more at www.youdontknowjackd.com. You can also call Jack at 407-973-6136. After decades in the game, Jack just might be able to find your solution.